Since when did just running to run not be good enough?
Wow tough question to ponder on this Saturday morning but that’s what I found myself asking myself on my long run today. I’ve just been pushing myself so hard and feel pressure (totally from me) to run a lot more miles than I need to. Mostly for bragging points. I mean, sure, the extra miles usually do feel good but during my run my thought process is this: Push 1 more mile so that you can say that you ran x miles when someone asks. Ummmm hello missy but most people are impressed that I get up early to run AT ALL much less that I ran 8 vs 7 miles or what have you.
This was the case today with my long run. For the past 3 or 4 weeks I’ve been running around 14 miles I think for the lr. Time for some cutback so I planned out an 11 miler which I thought I was going to be okay with. Especially when my legs felt soooo slow during the first few miles. But, even with dead legs, my mind kept working out ways that I could turn the 11 into longer. Crazy right?
In the end I only added 1 extra mile to get 12 but I felt BAD. And bad in two sense: 1) 12 miles =/= 14+ miles so I felt guilty (don’t know if that’s the right word) that I wasn’t doing as much as last week and 2) 12 miles =/=11 miles so I felt guilty (again not sure if that’s the right word) that I couldn’t stick to my plan. Crazy right? (Uh-oh I can feel crazy being “the word” for this post).
After eating and showering I’m accepting the 12 for what it was: a decent 12 miles. My legs felt AWFUL during the first couple of miles (I actually debated cutting the run shorter) but they felt better as time went on and my last few miles were slightly below target pace, leading the overall pace to be slightly slower than target but I’m okay with it. My stomach was also bothering me. I know that during hard exercise blood get diverted away from the GI tract so it can do to the muscles but there really wasn’t anything in my actual stomach to feel all funny. I honestly thought that I wasn’t going to be able to hold anything down when I finished! Even now, 2+ hours later my stomach is still feeling queasy.
I feel like I’m heading into a funk. And I don’t like it. I know that funks are cyclical so it will end. I also know that the more I try to fight the funk the worse it’ll get. So I need to buckle down and let it wash over me. Part of the funk is due to me pushing so hard with the running so I’m going to attempt to cut down my running this week; hopefully I can get over my mentality that I MUST run a certain amount. Because no one else cares about the exact mileage. So why should I?
The other half of the funk in the uncertainty of next year. For the first time in a while I don’t know what the next year or two is going to bring me. And that is slightly scary! But again, I know that it will pass eventually. Just need to accept it for what it is.
Now, re-reading what I just typed the words feel really really heavy. Especially for a weekend haha! Don’t worry as I’m not sitting around brooding over this. Just some slight musing as I had ample time over the course of my run. I go from yesterday’s bubbly non-running (at all) post to a serious post 🙂
But here’s something that I’ve been listening on repeat for the past hour or so. C-mon now, you can’t NOT smile when listening to it!